If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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