so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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