I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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