Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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