I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
