I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
