Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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