do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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