I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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