yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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