he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
