I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize