If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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