The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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