I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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