have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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