His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you mean i was at the winter classic?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
