I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
