I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
