Will you blow on my dice?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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