It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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