Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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