I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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