i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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