I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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