Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
