no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
