The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
