God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
