im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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