Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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