I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
