i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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