someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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