forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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