Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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