she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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