Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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