I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
