I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
