he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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