can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
