sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
