it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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