I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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