Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Houston, we have a squirter
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
