You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so that wasnt chicken after all
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
