Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
