I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
