I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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