You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
