Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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