i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
