is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
