Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
