I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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