Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
