i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
