Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
