He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
