Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
