The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
