I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
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I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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