Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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