can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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