I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
