I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
